


Panic

by EmScully



Series: Long Road [3]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Hospital, Panic, Trauma, mention of rape, revcovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmScully/pseuds/EmScully
Summary: Scully begins the arduous process of recovering from her attack.





	Panic

Scully woke up in stages. First her mind, then her body, and then her eyes. When she was finally able to open her eyes she blinked at the bright light above her and decided closed was better. She hurt. Everything hurt. She tried to curl up; to disappear inside herself but hands held her shoulders back on the hospital bed. Someone squeezed her hand. She squeezed back. Heat filled her veins and she disappeared back into her subconscious with the pain.

When she woke up again, the light was dim but the pain was still there. Her mouth was dry and her eyes felt heavy. Instinctively, she knew Mulder was next to her. She turned her head to face him, “hey.” Her voice came out as dry as her throat felt.

The corners of Mulder’s mouth turned up in a small smile, “hey yourself, how are you feeling?”

“Thirsty,” She gingerly pushed herself up and Mulder moved to the bed controls to help her into a slight sitting position. She winced but smiled her thanks.

When Scully was up to her liking, Mulder handed her a cup of water. She downed it quickly and handed it back to him. “Better?” He asked as he refilled the cup and handed it right back.

“Yeah,” she sipped at the water and wet her lips, “can I see my chart?”

Mulder looked around, “I think Dr. Lewis has it.”

Scully nodded, “what did she say?”

He knew better than to argue with her. “Seven stitches above your ear, she didn’t cut your hair.” Mulder watched as she touched the tender spot on her scalp.

“And?”

“Maybe we should wait…”

“Just tell me Mulder, please.”

“Twenty seven stitches in your vagina, the uh, the left side. There were capillaries severed so they had to cauterize some too,” he coughed lightly and Scully just stared at him, absorbing the information he told her. “Scully?” She stared into his eyes and for a moment, his words were lost.

“Mulder?”

“Sorry, I, uh, sorry,” he ran a hand through his hair and watched Scully lean back into the bed and close her eyes. “Are you hurting?” She nodded, but only slightly. Mulder reached under her pillow and pulled out the small pain pump attached to her IV. He pressed it once, his eyes never leaving her face. After a few seconds he watched as the tension left her body and she melted into sleep. He let out a heavy breath that came out in a shudder and leaned back in his chair. _Fuck me. Fuck fuck fuck._

            Scully woke to a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Dana? Dana, time to wake up. Can you hear me?” Doctor Lewis had taken Mulder’s spot next to her bed and was trying to rouse her.

            “Mmm,” Scully made a noise and forced herself to keep her eyes open and focus on the doctor.

            “Good morning.”

            “Morning?” Scully tried to sit up, shocked she has slept the entire previous day and through the night. Her body protested and she stayed down.

            “Easy, easy. How is your pain?” Doctor Lewis was standing over her; checking her IV.

            “Uhm, about a 6,” Scully answered honestly.

            “You have another few hours with the pain pump, we’ll hit it after we talk, okay? Can you handle a few more minutes?”

            “Yeah, I’m okay.”

            “Dana?”

            Scully looked up at the older woman, “yes?”

            “I am going to be honest with you, you’re lucky. Very lucky. Had the gun been turned you would have lost most, if not all of your nerve endings in your vagina. You will heal and should have full feeling back. But, the tearing was severe. We cauterized what we were not able to suture. You will have some pretty intense cramping for the next couple of days but it will minimize as you heal. There will continue to be some slight bleeding but nothing more than a normal period and should be gone in a few days” She paused and watched Scully’s stoic face then continued, “The sutures will, should dissolve but we will double check on your follow up. The stitches in your head will need to be removed in about a week.”

            “Okay.” Scully’s voice was even.

            “I would like you to follow up with a therapist.”

            Scully’s head snapped up, “therapist?”

            “You’re a doctor, Dana. You know just as well as I do that you have sustained a very physical and emotionally taxing trauma. PTSD, paranoia, anxiety and depression are common, if not expected after a rape. You are going to go through a slew of emotions, if not already and you are going to need support. I expect you to seek it and utilize it.” Doctor Lewis touched Scully’s hand lightly and Scully nodded. “You will heal,” the doctor, continued, “your body will heal sooner than your psyche, but you will.”

           Tears welled in Scully’s eyes but she swallowed them back, “thank you.”

            “That partner of yours should be back soon. I sent him to get something to eat. He hasn’t left your side all night.”

            Scully smiled, genuinely and a tear slipped down her cheek, “can I hit the button now?” Doctor Lewis pulled up the pain pump and Scully tapped the red button, letting the medication move into her body and pull her mind back into darkness.

 

XXX

 

            Her apartment was just how she left it, bloodied towel on the couch and all. Mulder stood behind her in the doorway and waited for her to make the first move. She flicked on the lights and threw her bag of clothes and purse on the couch and in a swift motion, snatched the towel and threw it in the trash under the kitchen counter. Mulder was relieved to see that the blood didn’t seep into the fabric of her sofa. Mulder listened to Scully move around the kitchen and bent down in the living room picking up the bit of mess the paramedics left. He shoved the small wrappers into his pocket. He meandered into the kitchen and sat at the table as Scully busied herself with making tea, “Scully, why don’t you sit down?”

            “I’m fine, Mulder, I have been cooped up for three days. Do you want any?” She took two mugs out of the cabinet without waiting for an answer. She sat across from him, moving slowly into the chair. “I have to call my mom.”

            “What are you going to tell her?”

            “That I was attacked. I don’t think she can handle the specifics. Not sure I can handle telling her. Not right now.”

            Mulder nodded in understanding, “she is going to want to see you.”

            “Yeah,” she sighed, “I have to prepare myself for it. I don’t have the energy to deal with it right now. God, how selfish.” She put her face in her hands and shook her head lightly.

            “Scully, you are the least selfish person I know. I don’t think taking some time for yourself to heal after a trauma is too much to ask.”

            Scully ran her trimmed nails and bandaged fingers over the wood grain of the table then looked up at him, “will you stay tonight?”

            Mulder was shocked by the question but didn’t show it, “of course.”

            “Thank you.” She got up, poured the tea and sat back down. They drank in silence.

            That night, Mulder and Scully sat on opposite ends of the couch and watched MASH reruns, or at least they tried to. Scully was restless and Mulder found himself watching her out of the corner of his eye more than he watched the show. She curled her legs under herself then uncurled after a few minutes; foot tapping the floor. “Do you need anything?” Mulder asked cautiously, finally turning to look at her.

She was picking at one of her bandaged fingers, “no, I don’t think so.”

“Are you in pain?”

She shook her head, not meeting his eyes, “not really.” Her foot continued to bounce and she stood up suddenly from the couch, her slight waver causing Mulder to jump to her side. She brushed him off and stalked to the window, her face lighting up blue from the television. Mulder watched as she glanced out of the window then paced the living room, thumbnail between her teeth.

“Scully?” She jumped at her name and grunted a wordless response. “Scully.” This time he moved in front of her to stop the pacing. “Talk to me.”

“About what, Mulder?” She moved a step away from him and Mulder felt his chest clench. He looked down at her hands that were picking at the hem of her sweatshirt. It was actually one if his old Oxford sweats. Her hands were shaking. He moved his eyes up from her middle and let them rest on her chest; her breath was coming in sharp gasps. “Scully?” His eyes grew wide as she swayed. He thought about reaching out to her, but she grabbed him before he could.

“Mulder.” His name came out in a puff.

He crouched down to look into her eyes. They were wide and dark. She was panicking. “Scully. Scully, listen to me, come here” he took the hand that was gripping the edge of his shirt and pulled her gently back to the couch and sat her down. Her knees jumped and she gripped her thighs, kneading the flesh underneath her flannel pants.

“Mulder.” She said again reaching out for him.

He sat next to her and gripped her hand in his, this time it was ice cold. “Hey, hey, hey,” he gently pulled her chin so that she was looking at him, “take a deep breath, Scully, as deep as you can through your nose and hold it for five seconds. Can you do that?

            She nodded but continued to pant, her lips chapped and parted. “Scully, deep breath, come on.” He took a chance and rested his large hand under her breasts and pressed into her diaphragm. The pressure seemed to calm her a bit and she was able to pull air deep into her lungs. “Good, hold it. Five, four, three, two, one. Okay, good, let it out slowly for another five seconds.” She obeyed, her eyes on his as she released the breath. “One more time, Scully, in through your nose, five seconds.” He watched her inhale, hold it, exhale and hold. They repeated it seven more times before Scully was able to calm down enough to stop shaking. Mulder pushed her damp hair from her clammy forehead, “hey, are you with me?”

            “Yeah, yes. Thank you.” A shiver ran through her as the adrenaline in her body dispersed. She leaned into him and he pulled a throw from the back of the couch down and wrapped it around her shoulders, his arm tight around her.

                                     


End file.
